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Don’t Do the Do-Over

I don’t believe in do-overs. A lot of my friends have been talking about do-overs recently, probably because it’s the holiday season and they think drinking eggnog and having a bad online dateis about the best thing they could be doing with their lives right about now. I mean, what? They’re lonely, is what I mean. And so they start thinking about the do-over.

What’s the do-over, you say? Oh yes, well, it’s when you’re like, ‘oh, remember that girl I broke up with three months ago, after being together for a year/six months/8 years, maybe that was a mistake. Maybe I should try again.” Maybe. Maybe you should poke yourself in the eye with a shit stick while you’re at it! That would be equally fun.

What you should do, really, is go back and revisit all the reasons why you broke up with her. She ate all the Oreos in the middle of the night and didn’t even save you one! Not one! And you guys just smoked a huge blunt in bed and she knew you were hungry! She hit on your best friend every time she had more than one tequila shot in her. She told you your balls were ugly and she never, ever, ever wanted to touch them. Indeed, she really regretted she had to be so close to them when blowing you. You were so sick of it all that you were seeking single women onlinewhile at work!

Whatever the issues were, there were issues. And they were serious, serious enough to let her go the first time around. I’m sure you tried to fix everything back when you were together. Break-ups aren’t fun, after all, and if you get back together with her you’re just going to have to go through another one in a few weeks/months time. Don’t do it, man, just don’t do it. The only exception I would make here is if, once upon a time, you were a massive idiot, and you didn’t realize what an amazing woman you had, so you stupidly went in search of greener pastures. If this be the case, do-over all you please.

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